srry i just thought dis was funny!
>NEWS FLASH
>
>A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale has hit
>Tallaght in the early hours of Friday morning.
>Epicentre: The Square Shopping Centre.
>
>Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "...bleedin
>story?","aaaaawrigh' bud" and "fUUUcksake". The earthquake decimated
>the area causing approximately EUR30 worth of damage.
>
>Several priceless collections of mementos from Crete and Santa Ponza
>were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars
>were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare
>cheque arrived.
>
>The Tallaght News reported that hundreds of residents were confused
>and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that the
>damage had not been caused by illegal means.
>
>One resident - Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said
>"Ih was such a ####in' shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cem
>runnin' into me bedruem cryin'. Me youngisst two: Tyler-Morgan n
>Megan-Brooklyn slept tru ih all. Buh I was still shakin' when I was
>watchin' ####in' Rikki Lake leh-er in the ####in' mornin".
>Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry
>on as usual.
>
>The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
>Strongbow, Dutch Gold, frozen pizza and John Player Blue to the area
>to help the stricken locals.
>
>Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
>large quantities of personal belongings, which include welfare
>books, jewellery including thousands of sovereign rings, many large
>medallions and Hash leaf ear rings from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and
>fine Bone China from Tommy's Wonderland of Value.
>
>HOW CAN YOU HELP?
>This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for
>those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster.
>
>Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:
>* Fila or Kappa baseball caps,
>* Hoodies (any type)
>* Tommy Hilfiger tracksuits (his and hers)
>* Nike/Adidas Shell suits (female)
>* White sport socks Rockport boots and any other items usually sold
>in TK Maxx.
>* Anything from Magic or Unique Boutique.
>
>Food parcels may be harder to come by, as refrigeration may be a
>problem, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
>
>* McCains oven chips
>* Heinz baked beans
>* Goodfellas Frozen Pizza
>* Coke/Fanta
>* Strongbow Cider
>* Smirnoff Ice.
>* John Player Blue 15's. (unmarried mother handy pack)
>
>And remember that your contribution counts!
>Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and
>bookie slips. Just EUR5.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks
>for a family of 9. Only EUR6.00 will pay for a packet of 20 Major to
>calm the nerves of those affected.
>
>Note: Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of such
>plush accommodation is unfair on the population of the local halting
>sites.
>
